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flying_wahini

(6,741 posts)
Wed May 1, 2024, 01:15 PM May 1

This is for "English was my major" nerds. Others nerds like me may enjoy it too. Not my creation, either.

Consider yourself schooled 😉

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

6 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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This is for "English was my major" nerds. Others nerds like me may enjoy it too. Not my creation, either. (Original Post) flying_wahini May 1 OP
Thanks. Entertaining. Some easier to get than others. brush May 1 #1
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines. erronis May 1 #2
Not an English major but I liked it! Redleg May 1 #3
All amusing, but soldierant May 1 #4
English major here, and i love this! ShazzieB May 1 #5
I'm a nurse, not an English major, but I suspect I may have been... 3catwoman3 May 1 #6

erronis

(15,505 posts)
2. A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
Wed May 1, 2024, 01:42 PM
May 1

This reminds me of one my wiser/older sister told me when I was too young:

What did one gene say to the other?

Let's get together and conjugate.

Of course in my prepubescent mind, "gene" was read as "jean" and "conjugate" was meant as ... I guess since I have to explain this, I now understand why nobody laughs when I try to repeat it. You're only 12 once (I hope.)

ShazzieB

(16,703 posts)
5. English major here, and i love this!
Wed May 1, 2024, 04:19 PM
May 1

Some are more challenging than others, but all are funny once you figure them out. Especially the glass eye named Ralph!

3catwoman3

(24,166 posts)
6. I'm a nurse, not an English major, but I suspect I may have been...
Wed May 1, 2024, 08:16 PM
May 1

...an English teacher or copy editor in a previous life - I'm definitely a language/spelling/grammar nerd.

This was very entertaining.

I just finished a continuing education module on breast feeding, and it misspelled "weaning" as "weening." Aauuugggghhhhh!

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